How To Sell Your Head In Madrid*
Step 1:
Set up shop...
this consists of a
piece of plywood with three headsized holes in it.
It is very important that an average human
head (i.e.,
yours) can
fit through the openings,
or you will not get very far with your effort to sell your head.
You should arrive at the scene of your shop with your face painted and hair done.
Tip:
Wear comfortable clothes and shoes as
you will be
crouched in a
small space for a
good part of the day.
Step 2:
Decorate...
you can use a
plastic party tablecloth to cover the exposed space beneath your makeship table.
Bridal shower,
Easter or First Communion themed cloths are
highly recommended as
they will contrast well with the wreaths that should circle each head hole.
These wreaths can be
made using simple
Christmas garlands,
but make sure the garland looks like it has been in the sewer.
Tip:
the deocrations are
all about the juxtaposition of something serene with something gothic.
Step 3:
The lure...
place two faux heads with full and brightly colored hair to the left and right of the center head hole.
Then,
disappear.
This is elemental.
You must leave the scene for at least a
half an hour in order to begin to cultivate an interest.
People will wonder about your table with two heads,
and this is good because these same passersby will be
your paying customers soon.
Tip:
while you are
away from your table, procure a can
for your money;
ideally this should have an oversize copy of a 10
or 20 Euro
bill taped to it to subliminally encourage generous donations.
Step 4:
The e
xecution...
return to your table quickly and without drawing too
much attention to yourself.
Deftly slide beneath the table and insert your head in the middle head hole.
Tip: Do
not be
in such a
rush that you knock the table over.
This will definitely ruin
your chances for staying in this spot for the rest of the day and in all likelihood will bring your confidence down regardless of whether you decide
to relocate.
Step 5:
Sell your head...
Start turning from side to side and making funny and/
or scary and/
or leering noises at passersby.
Roll your eyes,
wink,
grin,
scowl and groan.
While making faces
and noises use
the sticks attached to the faux heads on either side of yours and turn them back and forth as
well so as
to make the entire table of
heads appear to be
writhing.
Tip:
Your best victims will most likely be
children and women;
both give the best screeches and screams and are
typically in the company of a
man who has
change in his pocket.
Bonus tip: Do
not provoke dogs.
They are
unpredictable and while there is a
chance they could snare more
attention in your direction with their yelps,
it is more
likely that they will lift their leg on your table and/
or knock over the table and/
or bite your face off.
Step 1: Set up shop...this consists of a piece of plywood with three headsized holes in it. It is very important that an average human head (i.e., yours) can fit through the openings, or you will not get very far with your effort to sell your head. You should arrive at the scene of your shop with your face painted and hair done. Tip: Wear comfortable clothes and shoes as you will be crouched in a small space for a good part of the day.
Step 2: Decorate...you can use a plastic party tablecloth to cover the exposed space beneath your makeship table. Bridal shower, Easter or First Communion themed cloths are highly recommended as they will contrast well with the wreaths that should circle each head hole. These wreaths can be made using simple Christmas garlands, but make sure the garland looks like it has been in the sewer. Tip: the deocrations are all about the juxtaposition of something serene with something gothic.
Step 3: The lure...place two faux heads with full and brightly colored hair to the left and right of the center head hole. Then, disappear. This is elemental. You must leave the scene for at least a half an hour in order to begin to cultivate an interest. People will wonder about your table with two heads, and this is good because these same passersby will be your paying customers soon. Tip: while you are away from your table, procure a can for your money; ideally this should have an oversize copy of a 10 or 20 Euro bill taped to it to subliminally encourage generous donations.
Step 4: The execution...return to your table quickly and without drawing too much attention to yourself. Deftly slide beneath the table and insert your head in the middle head hole. Tip: Do not be in such a rush that you knock the table over. This will definitely ruin your chances for staying in this spot for the rest of the day and in all likelihood will bring your confidence down regardless of whether you decide to relocate.
Step 5: Sell your head...Start turning from side to side and making funny and/or scary and/or leering noises at passersby. Roll your eyes, wink, grin, scowl and groan. While making faces and noises use the sticks attached to the faux heads on either side of yours and turn them back and forth as well so as to make the entire table of heads appear to be writhing. Tip: Your best victims will most likely be children and women; both give the best screeches and screams and are typically in the company of a man who has change in his pocket. Bonus tip: Do not provoke dogs. They are unpredictable and while there is a chance they could snare more attention in your direction with their yelps, it is more likely that they will lift their leg on your table and/or knock over the table and/or bite your face off.
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